I AM HIS

I was approached a while back to do a sign similar to this that is floating around Etsy and Pinterest.  The above mentioned sign is great, but I don't like to copy a lot of work now days.  Not that I'm a huge snob, I just know what it's like to see your hard work get copied.  It also turns out that my high school English teacher(s) may have made more of an impact on me than I thought.  I enjoy writing.  The written/ spoken word is the most powerful tool any human possesses.  It can cut a person in two or it can elevate them to the point of invincibility.      

With all that in mind I contemplated what I wanted to say with this board.  The sign was originally intended for two young girls, so I thought about them and if I had a daughter what I would want to convey to them with this sign. 

 My first thought was self-image.  It seems like all the mainstream sells these days is a particular brand of girl…one whose ribs show when naked, one who has full lips, shiny hair, and no blemishes, nothing that makes them special, set apart from all the other girls who are on the same magazines and in the same type movies every year.  How sad are we as a society that we try to all look like that same “girl” and do not enjoy the blessings God gave us that makes us different than all the other girls around.  I’m speaking to myself when I say this, as I am the ring leader of wanting a better body, I’ve dyed my hair for years(I just recently found out what my natural color was :) ), frequented the tanning bed in the past, several things that, if I had a great self-image, I probably never would have done.

 

God never makes mistakes.  If you have something you don’t like about you, God loves it more than anything.  He created it (you), if he didn’t like it do you think it would have made the cut when he was determining your physical makeup?

My second thought was that our feminist movement leads us to believe that we as women are strong enough to not need anyone, no man, no God, nothing in order to thrive.  Women are strong.  Of course women are strong!  I fight bad guys for a living (I’m a mom of two boys, that’s what we do all day)!  However, at the end of the day I need relationships.  Ultimately, I need the relationship of Jesus.  We put all of our trust in our own strength when really we should be looking toward the Savior who has never, ever left us.  He holds us up.  He provides ultimate protection.  He gives comfort that no one can understand.  If you place all of your meaning on ANY other relationship it will let you down.   You can’t get a more perfect man than God.  :)

 I'm still not 100% certain that I conveyed all that I want to say with this board, so it might be subject to a re-write.  But here it is, blemishes and all.  :)

A blessing Re-count

Today, I sat here looking through my FaceBook page.  So many friends are hurting.  There is so much bad in the world.  My heart is broken for the loss of loved ones, battles with cancer, infertility, uncertainty on the next step to take with children, marriages falling apart...so many struggles.  I don’t imagine to understand everyone’s troubles, as I don’t expect anyone to understand mine.  Until you have truly been in the same position as the person who is suffering the affliction you can never know, only assume what they are really feeling inside. 

Yesterday was the second anniversary of the due date of the first baby Caleb and I lost in miscarriage.  I didn’t post anything on purpose, because I’m starting to realize the only time I am updating my blog is on these “special” days.  I wanted our day to be as normal as possible, and it was odd, but we did it. As a matter of fact, if you had walked into our house yesterday the only thing different would have been a white rose my husband brought me in remembrance of our little one.  The rose means so much to me and it kept me able to still have our “normal” but not normal day.  I still hurt from our losses and have my times of struggle, so please don’t hear me as having some miraculous healing.  I don’t believe that there is such a thing.  That is, unless God so provides for it, and if He did how would He be able to speak to others through you?  You don’t accept Jesus and have smooth sailing for the rest of your life, as a matter of fact, a lot of the time it’s the total opposite.  How could our Savior give others the opportunity to see Him through your trials and wonder why it is that you manage through your suffering differently than someone who might not know Jesus?  Take a look at a painting, for example, far from perfect.  As a matter of fact, there are almost always things on them the artist did not originally intend to have, but it’s what the artist does with these “blemishes” that makes the work truly beautiful, a masterpiece.   I see Him painting His masterpiece in me every day.  I’m a mess, but I pray God will use my story to hopefully provide comfort, peace, and hopefully a better understanding of what His grace and mercy really is to someone who needs that.  

With that being said, today, in the midst of all the pain I see in the world, I'm counting my blessings.  There are too many to number.  Some so small that I overlook and they should be the most precious to me.  Of course, there is my husband, my son, our health, the ability to afford a roof over our heads, cars, pre-school, all these, but today I am most thankful for

Clothes in the dryer.

 You see, Caleb and I discovered God was planning another miracle in our lives last August.  The clothes in the dryer are for this little miracle. He will be here to wear them in April.  God has given us a perfect example of grace, a rainbow after the stormiest day, the perfect redemption after a hard few years.  Infertility is a very dark, very isolating place.  I realize I'm very fortunate and that some women have to go through much more than I went through in order to have a baby, but, even in our relatively small struggles, it seemed like I stepped out of a dark, desolate cave and allowed the sun to shine on my face for the first time in a long time.  However, being in the cave has created scars that will never go away.   

It was scary at first, considering what we have had to let go of before, and we thought a couple of times very early on we might have to let go of this child as well.   I wish I could tell you that with this new blessing I was totally healed and never thought again about our previous losses, but that’s just not the case.  First, I don’t want to forget about those angels we have waiting on us.  Second, I think of this pregnancy differently than I did my previous ones, with much less naivety.  I’m not as connected as I was with my first two pregnancies.  The very second I got a positive test I was madly in love with my first and second babies.  It’s different this time.  I love this child and would gladly give my own life for him right now, but I have remained distant  Every day is better and a little different as I realize at the time I write this he has a 90% chance of staying with us should he be delivered today, but am ashamed at the distance I have put between us.  I know the second they put him in my arms I will be wildly, crazy and yes, madly in love with him and he won’t miss a second of affection, but until then I cannot quite wrap my head around our miracle.  We have waited 4 years to have another child and I guess when you cling to a hope so long and it happens it takes a while for the shock to wear off.  But I’m rambling.

I tell you all of that that to tell you God is faithful, he is able, He is so eager to help you with your problems.  And, He rejoices with you when you sit and count those little blessings (even clothes in the dryer)… and you will be showered with blessing, but maybe not in the way you are thinking. 

 I will make them and the places surrounding my hill a blessing.  I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing. The trees will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the Lord, when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them. They will no longer be plundered by the nations, nor will wild animals devour them. They will live in safety, and no one will make them afraid.  Ezekiel 34:26-28.